Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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