Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
