People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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