I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
