im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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