i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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