I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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