WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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