Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
