Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
