It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
