There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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