hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
