The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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