He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
