at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
