i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
