Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
