Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
