what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
How's work?
Spinning.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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