Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Well I just put wine in my tea
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
