remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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