Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm passing your future prison.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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