I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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