Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
