did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
