it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You are a genius and a whore.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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