I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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