I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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