anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
