I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
