You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
