I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
