i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
