Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
