My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
