I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
