My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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