Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
