So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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