I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
