yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
