Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
