pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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