So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
