Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
well most of my day revolves around power hour
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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