i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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