So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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