ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
