in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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