He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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