Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
